Candlelighting 2010

It is that time of year again.  Time to begin planning the beautiful candle lighting service held each year to celebrate the lives of our loved ones.  If you attended last year event, although the circumstances which brought you to the event  are none that we should ever have to endure, we were still glad that you found your way and hopefully a bit of peace.

I also want to again thank all those who helped put the evening together, from emotional support to donations of goods and financial support.  It would not have been possible without you.

The night will include candle lighting, music, a video remembrance of all families attending, stories, a reading of the names, reading of writings from anyone who would like to participate.  We will have available free pamphlets concerning the grief process, I remember bracelets and the worldwide candle button as a memento from the evening. Light refreshments will be served indoors after the ceremony.  Join us in a beautiful remembrance of our loved ones who may have left us but remain a vivid memory and will live in our hearts forever.

I have secured the same venue for this year.  The Trumbull Town gazebo weather permitting at 5866 Main Street in Trumbull.  In case of inclement weather the evening will be moved indoors to the council chambers.  Let's hope for a beautiful starry night!

I would also like to include a few more readings and maybe a live performance of a special song.  A slide show of all our angels will be shown.  If you would like your child included please email a good quality photo to compassionatefriends.bptct@gmail.com along with your child's name and dates and maybe a quote about him/her if you choose.

If anyone would like to help organize this event, or know of someone willing to donate some food or refreshments, printing services, time, ect, please pass along this information or contact me at  compassionatefriends.bptct@gmail.com  Last year I was able to donate $300 to the National Chapter from donations.

Check back often as things become closer I will be posting updates.  You can also follow us on facebook @http://www.facebook.com/pages/The-Compassionate-Friends-Bridgeport-Chapter/151062864920997?ref=ts

May you find peace and comfort in your memories.

A helpful article

I found this article and it holds a lot of great advice and information about the grieving process parents go through.http://www.athealth.com/consumer/disorders/parentalgrief.html
May you find peace on your journey

A nervous MC get through the ceremony

The worldwide candle lighting event is over.  For many weeks I  organized, went in search of donations, hung fliers to spread the word, called on family and friends for support and help, and somehow managed to put together an evening of love, memories and some healing.  The weather worked against us, cold, rainy a bit icy which put the back up plan into play.  Indoors in the court room.  The turn out was good, I had no idea how many people to expect.  I planned on 100 and think maybe we had 60.  I think if the weather had been better we might have had more.
I want to thank all of the sponsors and donations that made this event possible.  Without the generosity of these businesses and donations of both monies, time and refreshments from wonderful people, the candle lighting would not have been as memorable.  We raised enough money to cover the cost of supplies, printing, coffeeand had money left over to donate to the Compassionate Friends Organization in memory of Tony Brown and all our loved ones.
The first selectman both seating and former of Trumbull were in attendance.  Many family members came in support of Tony but also in remembrance of their own loved ones who have died to young.  All together there were 25 names that we read to honor and remember.  A few poems were read, songs played, tears shed and some new friends made.  It felt good to reach out to others who are sharing the same pain that I am.  I do believe it was easier to be where I was, behind the microphone, removed a bit, focused on delivering a message rather than watching and listening.  I have heard I did a good job, my parents are proud of me, and people who came told me it helped.  Honestly, I am glad if I helped others, that was the whole reason behind putting this together, but I do not want to hear I did a good job.  This was not something I had envisioned for me to excel at, remembering my son in a memorial service around the holidays because he was no longer with me.  I appreciate the kind words, and would probably be upset had I not heard any positive feedback.  I guess what I am trying to say is I do not want to talk about it!
Now that it is over, I feel the pain more, as if coordinating this event let me focus on other issues rather than my grief.
I will move forward, I will go to the next compassionate friends meeting, I will break down between now and Christmas, I will remember and smile, I will remember and cry, but ultimately, I will survive.
I am wishing you all moments of peace mixed in with your pain, memories that make you smile more than cry, loved ones to lean on, and the strength to put one foot in front of the other continuing to move forward on this journey we have had put in front of us.

Sponsors, Donations and Volunteers

The overwhelming support from people to help put on this very special event has been an amazing turn out.  I have ordered the buttons, bracelets, brochures and candles.  None of this would have been possible without the kindness and generosity of the following compassionate, kind people and businesses.  They are listed in no particular order. My thanks and gratitude goes out to you and your kind hearts.You have enabled my family to doing something positive in Tonys memory by reaching out to others who may be sharing the same pain and grief as we are.

Donations:
Tashua Knolls Golf Club & Banquets Operated By Faustini's Cateres         Trumbull, CT
Paul's Haircutters                                                                                               Trumbull, CT
Paul Lucibello Head Chef At East End Yacht Club                                              Bridgeport, CT
V International Deli and Fish & Chips                                                         Bridgeport, CT
Barbara Beard Avon Rep                                                                                  Shelton, CT
Dan & Maureen Verrelli                                                                             Shelton, CT
J.B. Appliance Service Co                                                                                Trumbull, CT
Intrigue Salon                                                                                                    Fairfield, CT
Marisa's Restaurant                                                                                          Trumbull, CT
Delores Melewski                                                                                             Bridgeport, CT
Jeryl Melewski  DiJuio                                                                                     Bridgeport, CT
T.R. Durkin                                                                                                      Monroe, CT
Dunkin Donuts                                                                                                 Monroe, CT
Chantel DiJulio                                                                                                Trumbull, CT
T.R. Durkin                                                                                                      Monroe, CT
Henry DiJulio Jr                                                                                              Trumbull, CT

Special Sponsors:
Heal Clothing                                                                                                    Monroe, CT
DB Mutlimedia                                                                                                 Wilton, CT 
Sensible Heating & Cooling                                                                             Shelton, CT


Volunteers:
David Brown
Daniel Brown
Hank DiJulio
Brenda Kerigan
Meg Reilly
Debbie Zadravech
Maryanne Baccash
Barbara White
Henry DiJulio
Tom Robinson Photography

As the list grows I will add all the wonderful people who give so freely of time and money, without this would not be possible.

I would also like to thank all the businesses that were kind enough to hang a poster to help us advertise this event.

Your efforts, generousity and kindness are asppreciated more than words could descibe.  Looking forward to a beautiful evening filled with memories, love, and I am sure a few tears.

Happy Thanksgiving

Although the holidays are the most difficult time of the year to be missing our loved ones, we must remember to be thankful for the time we spent with them, the love we shared and the memories we have created.  Through your life, try to ask yourself what your loved one had taught you while he was her and carry that message in your heart.  It may hvae been "to relax mom" or to tolerate others for who they were, to live life to the fullest.  Whatever you have learned from that person, do no t let it go to waste.  Cherish it and your memories and be thankful for them.

I would  like to thank all the beautiful volunteers who have jumped in to help me organize this event.  I also want to thank all the generous people and companies for their donations.  The outpouring has overwhelmed me and given one more thing to be thankful for.

Happy Thanksgiving and may your memories get you through the day!

Meeting

Today, some good friends and family joined together to help organize my jumbled thoughts with the candle lighting event.  What a wonderful group of people.  Together, we delegated, organized and committed to making this a great event not only in Tony's memory but for all families who have suffered the most horrific loss a family can endure.
I received more donations and spent the weekend posting flyers to get the message out to those who may benefit from this event. It was hard to go to destinations where my son was know and ask them to hang up a flyer for this celebration, but it was also nice to reconnect with his friends.
Sometimes, these things seem harder that the good that may come from it, but after the pain passes and you realize what you are doing is a good thing that has the possibility of not only helping yourself and your family but others who you have yet to meet, your heart starts to smile again.

Compassionat Friends Submission

This was just added to the Compassionate Friends Candle Lighting Website!

Trumbull – Memory of Downtown Tony Brown and all children who have died.

Date & Time: December 13, 2009 6:30 PM
Location: At the Town Green Gazebo, 5866 Main St, Trumbull, CT (inside the court house in case of inclement weather)
Highlights: I remember bracelets and candle lighting buttons available. Lighting of candles at 7:00 PM, reading of names, speakers, and possible video presentation of photos of our loved ones.
Bring: Battery operated candle in case the event is held indoors. Photo or remembrance of child is desired.
Special Events (before): Passing out candles, buttons, bracelets, sharing stories.
Special Events (after): Light refreshments served indoors after candle lighting.
Additional: Please email if you will be attending and would like your loved one recognized during the ceremony. You can also email me a photo (or 2) to be included in a video montage. If you would like to do a reading or publicly share a story please email me with the information. Suggestions for music to be played will also be considered. Please join us for this special evening as bereaved families come together to honor and remember all of our children who have gone to soon.
Contact: Anne Castaldo
Telephone: 203-257-0710 Email: candlelighting2009@gmail.com

Surving The Holidays

I pulled this information from the compassionate friends website to help anyone that may need it.

The holidays are among the most difficult times for bereaved families grieving the death of a child. Below are some helpful suggestions that may aid you in surviving the holidays.

      1) Call a family meeting and discuss your plans for the holiday season, understanding that it would be unusual for you not to feel emotionally, physically, and psychologically drained. Don’t set your expectations too high or you may find yourself disappointed.
      2) Well intending friends and family may want to include you in their plans, believing it best for you to “get away” from grieving your loss. They do not understand that you cannot escape the grief that you feel. There is no obligation to say “yes.” Only participate if you truly want to.
      3) Try to take care of your health. It’s important that you eat and drink properly, exercise, and get plenty of rest.
      4) Take time to do the things you as a person want to do. You may want time alone to reflect or to write your thoughts.
      5) Consider eliminating such things as the festive decorations, cooking, and baking that you may normally enjoy. People will understand if you’re not in a merry or joyous mood or simply don’t have the energy. You may try placing an electric candle in your window in memory of your child. Don’t feel obligated to send out holiday cards.
      6) If it is necessary for you to buy gifts, consider ordering them over the Internet or by phone. Most who are bereaved find it draining to go out and fight through crowded stores bustling with holiday cheer. 
      7) Many families that are in mourning may use the money they would have spent on gifts for their child to buy gifts for a child who would not be able to celebrate the holidays otherwise.
      8) It is not unusual for you to want to include your child during the season. You may want to do something like: Ask friends and relatives who knew your child to send you a story about your child that you may not have known; Ask friends and relatives to create an ornament or remembrance of some type that reminds them of your child so that you can place it around the house or on a holiday tree. If it was your tradition, include placing a stocking with those of other children in your house, even if you do not fill it like the others—this is a symbolic gesture in memory of your child. 
      9) If you have other children who normally celebrate the holidays, you may consider continuing to do so to create some sense of normalcy in the house and so they will not feel forgotten.
      10) Consider attending a Compassionate Friends meeting or a memorial event such as The Compassionate Friends Worldwide Candle Lighting. Most families find some comfort by being with others who have experienced a similar loss.
      11) Remember that the anticipation of a holiday is often worse than the holiday itself.
      12) Be kind to yourself. 
      13) It is okay to cry.

The Compassionate Friends, Inc. is a national self-help bereavement organization that supports families emotionally during the difficult grieving process following the death of a child. Call 877-969-0010 for more information or visitwww.compassionatefriends.org.

Sponsor Information

If you would like to donate and/or sponsor, please email me for information on where to send the checks to:

email:candlelighting2009@gmail.com

Memo:Compassionate Friends Candle lighting (important)

Also include your name (or Company name) and logo to be included in the program and on the sponsors poster.
Any remaining monies after the event will be donated to The Compassionate Friends

Thank you in advance for your generosity.

Sponsors Needed For Candle Lighting

November 15, 2009     

 

To whom it may concern,

My name is Anne Castaldo. My son passed away on July 11, 2009. He was only 24 and his death was very sudden and unexpected. He had become ill and died from complications during a procedure in the hospital. He was a beautiful, loving, son, brother, grandson, nephew, uncle and friend with his whole life ahead of him.

I am organizing a worldwide candle lighting to be held in conjunction with The Compassionate Friends Worldwide Candle Lighting. This event unites family and friends around the globe in lighting candles for one hour to honor and remember children who have died at any age from any cause. As candles are lit at 7 p.m. local time, creating a virtual wave of light, hundreds of thousands of persons commemorate and honor children in a way that transcends all ethnic, cultural, religious, and political boundaries.

Compassionate Friends have chapters all across the world and offer wonderful services that provide comfort for many grieving parents, siblings and grandparents. I have not been to an "official" meeting yet, but have spoken with a chapter president, received newsletters and visited their web site for information and comfort knowing although I may feel alone on this journey, there are many others with the same grief and pain that my family is dealing with daily.

Although this is not a holiday celebration, but rather a memorial for our loved ones, it is held during the holiday season because this is one of the hardest times of the year to be without your family. To gather together and remember with those who share the same emotions and understand can only help all who attend. This event takes place December 13, 2009 at 7:00 pm. at 5866 Main Street, Trumbull CT. on the town green.

In order to put this event together, I need help which I am seeking in the way of donations, sponsors and volunteers. If you would like to help sponsor this event, for a $50.00 sponsorship I will include your name in the program and your logo will be displayed on a poster and the website thanking you for your support and participation in this wonderful cause.

I hope that you will consider either a small donation or a sponsorship to help heal the hearts of so many grieving families. If you are interested, you may contact me at candlelighting2009@gmail.com. For more in depth information visit the website for this event at http://worldwidecandlelighting.blogspot.com. If you are interested in learning more about The Compassionate Friends visit them at http://compassionatefriends.org. I look forward to hearing from you and may your holidays be peaceful, healthy and filled with joy.

Sincerely,

Anne Castaldo

Anne Castaldo, Organizer

Dates for event

For some reason, the dates did not come out on the first blog.  The event is on December 13, 2009.  It is from 6:30 to 8:30.  The candle lighting will take place at 7:00 pm.  I have gotten my first official sponsor  for the event- One Hour Heating and Air Conditioning located at 330 River Rd in Shelton, Ct.  Thank you!  Please remember if you can not attend you can still participate by lighting a candle in your home.

Keep checking back for more news about this beautiful remembrance.

We can also be found on facebook at

Worldwide Candle Lighting 2009 Facebook

Candle Lighting In Memory of Families Who have Lost Loved Ones

In order to help my family get through a very difficult time I have searched for ways to celebrate the memory of my son Tony who passed away on July 11th at the very young age of 24.  I found an organization that holds a global candle lighting event in memory of all children who have died.  Upon searching to participate in one, I noticed that there was not one being held close by.  I contacted The Compassionate Friends Organization and although I am not a chapter I was informed I could hold one "In Conjunction" with The Compassionate Friends Organization.


I decided that not only would it be a wonderful healing process to organize this event in my sons memory, but I may be able to help others going through the same or similar grieving process during one of the most difficult times of the year.  

It is a bit overwhelming, I have never organized such a large event.  So many details, so little time.


My first plan of attack was to secure a place to hold the gathering.  With the help of family and friends we were able to find something that suited the beauty of such an event but will also allow for an indoor location in case of extreme weather.  This is after all New England. It shall be held on the Town Green in Trumbull CT on December 13, 2009 from 6:30pm until at least 8:30 pm.


There will be music, reading of names, refreshments, stories shared, tears and happy memories.


Next, a list of things I will need.  Candles, battery operated candles in case we need to move the event indoors, batteries for the candles, buttons celebrating the event, bracelets, pamphlets to help with the griving process, posters for advertising, promotional spots, sponsors to help reduce the out of pocket cost, programs, refreshments, sound systems, and on it goes.


Right now my biggest obstacle is going to be paying for everything to make this a beautiful, helpful, memorable event.  I need to get out and find sponsors.  I also need to advertise (for free!).  


I am hoping to get this blog into the hands of people who can help, who can donate to this worthy event in exchange for a small logo on the program.  I have no idea how many people to expect.  I am planning for 100.  Any extra money will be donated to The Compassionate Friends Organization.


If you could spread this blog around with the hopes of getting it into the right hands of organizations that can help me with this huge undertaking, I will be forever grateful.


The Compassionate Friends Worldwide Candle Lighting unites family and friends around the globe in lighting candles for one hour to honor and remember children who have died at any age from any cause. As candles are lit at 7 p.m. local time, creating a virtual wave of light, hundreds of thousands of persons commemorate and honor children in a way that transcends all ethnic, cultural, religious, and political boundaries.
 

Believed to be the largest mass candle lighting on the globe, the Worldwide Candle Lighting, a gift to the bereavement community from The Compassionate Friends, creates a virtual 24-hour wave of light as it moves from time zone to time zone. Hundreds of formal candle lighting events are held and thousands of informal candle lightings are conducted in homes as families gather in quiet remembrance of children who have died, but will never be forgotten.