The worldwide candle lighting event is over. For many weeks I organized, went in search of donations, hung fliers to spread the word, called on family and friends for support and help, and somehow managed to put together an evening of love, memories and some healing. The weather worked against us, cold, rainy a bit icy which put the back up plan into play. Indoors in the court room. The turn out was good, I had no idea how many people to expect. I planned on 100 and think maybe we had 60. I think if the weather had been better we might have had more.
I want to thank all of the sponsors and donations that made this event possible. Without the generosity of these businesses and donations of both monies, time and refreshments from wonderful people, the candle lighting would not have been as memorable. We raised enough money to cover the cost of supplies, printing, coffeeand had money left over to donate to the Compassionate Friends Organization in memory of Tony Brown and all our loved ones.
The first selectman both seating and former of Trumbull were in attendance. Many family members came in support of Tony but also in remembrance of their own loved ones who have died to young. All together there were 25 names that we read to honor and remember. A few poems were read, songs played, tears shed and some new friends made. It felt good to reach out to others who are sharing the same pain that I am. I do believe it was easier to be where I was, behind the microphone, removed a bit, focused on delivering a message rather than watching and listening. I have heard I did a good job, my parents are proud of me, and people who came told me it helped. Honestly, I am glad if I helped others, that was the whole reason behind putting this together, but I do not want to hear I did a good job. This was not something I had envisioned for me to excel at, remembering my son in a memorial service around the holidays because he was no longer with me. I appreciate the kind words, and would probably be upset had I not heard any positive feedback. I guess what I am trying to say is I do not want to talk about it!
Now that it is over, I feel the pain more, as if coordinating this event let me focus on other issues rather than my grief.
I will move forward, I will go to the next compassionate friends meeting, I will break down between now and Christmas, I will remember and smile, I will remember and cry, but ultimately, I will survive.
I am wishing you all moments of peace mixed in with your pain, memories that make you smile more than cry, loved ones to lean on, and the strength to put one foot in front of the other continuing to move forward on this journey we have had put in front of us.
